This week I bonded with someone I already know and look up to. She is a beautiful and well accomplished young lady who is raising a child alone. This is not because her child has no father. The father does not seem to take his role seriously. His co-parenting commitment is almost zero. He wanted to be making appearances here and there when it pleased him. And she made a painful decision to completely cutting him off her child’s life because the inconsistency hurt her child mentally.
You see, in an ideal world, we would love to have both parents living together and working side by side raising their child/ren together as a team. But life happens and sometimes people who loved each other and made a child together have to part ways.
This is where maturity and true parenthood shows. Co-parenting is not easy, but possible.
Some parents bring in conditions on how the child must be raised. We have stories of men who to demand certain privileges before being there for the child.
Some men demand sex from an ex-partner as a condition to offer financial and moral support to a child.
Others just demand a free open door policy where they can walk in and out of their ex partner’s house in the name of visiting their child. They do not mind if the ex-partner wants to move on and date other people. All they want is control disguised as being there for the child.
Then we have those who will make promises to an innocent child and fail to fulfil it. An absent parent will tell a child they will show up to take the child out for an ice cream date, but do not show up or give an explanation. I don’t know if we know just how damaging this is to a child, even an adult. Inconsistency hurts and it hurts deeply.
Promises are supposed to be fulfilled, especially towards children who are already living a compromised life where one parent does not live with them full time. Letting them down during visitations is cruel.
That is why I am of the view that if one absent parent will not be consistent in visiting the child and creating a rapport and an emotional bond with them, the best thing the other parent can do is to cut off the inconsistent one. I know this is debatable, but I feel it is best for the child.
A child is not a doll to be toyed around with. It has a spirit that needs respect.
Having a child with a partner you are no longer with demands a certain level of maturity and consideration. One should respect the life they brought into this world by being there financially, emotionally and physically.
Decide if you want to be there or not and stick to your decision and life will move on.
